His crying soul, knew it all, that, what was meant to be a joy, was nothing at all. His eyes shut in blood, his words can’t be told, his secrets lie within, his sins won’t give in, he looked inside to find a hope, a new life as he was told, but lost in his own delusions he didn’t even know where to start; Mother help me I’m dying. Father don't leave me just because I’m crying. I became the son my ego wanted to be, I left it all just to be me, Was it a mistake, shouldn’t I live free? Why does it always have to be me? Kids they laugh don't know what is on their minds, my devilish side fell to the floor as I saw her angelic eyes staring at my door; come inside, I proudly said. my mother is outside and I have to leave, She mumbled and went.
Is it a sin to love? Should I be dead just because I felt? I cracked a code and now my story is untold, I believe it is true, that no one knows the end, and now I’m sitting here, laughing, for no reason, my hands are bleeding as I hold a needle writing my story, the unforgivable mistake, a tragedy I was supposed to live with, a tragedy I couldn’t tolerate, and now I can never leave. I’m cursed but I won’t cry I’m hurt but I refuse to hide, a long time ago I was desperate, I prayed and longed for the great beast to help me appear little did I know he had it planned to burden me with his scarlet woman and make me feel this pain, every day and every night it grows within me every time I try to breathe every time I try to seek the truth behind my existence, my words suffocate me and my poems always seem to betray me , and every step I take is more agonizing, stripping me of emotions I can only wish I attained
There is so much hatred in this world so much blood and pain in vain, so many different faces, little ideas, Narrow paths to define us. My lady justice distorted and lost in this crowd of thousand kids setting rules, calling juries condemning my soul, rendering verdicts and offering absolutely nowhere to hide from this guilt and shame they pass upon me. Unable to escape I question myself, I turn around and find I’m always alone; my walls begin to bleed; their judgmental fingers and remorseless intentions allow me no plea. , we make our choices, don’t we?, but that’s not entirely true all the time When a monster like myself ought to be born into a hateful crime does he have the choice or the time to decide? We are prisoners of our ignorance that could be true yet, unfortunately, sometimes our ignorance is our only choice after we have lost sight of who we want to be and wanting to change like I did will cost more than you never had. Accuse the monster, ignore the rules but, always remember to use our tools. And now I see how forgiveness is never something to be privileged with, forgiveness is never something to look for. Forgiveness is a convenient act, a play of faith, a cruel joke, a blind illusion keeps you in the darkness of your own inadequacy, makes you feel you could just easily be the one to slowly burn the truth within you. The truth you try to forget, the truth you refuse to believe, yes it’s the truth you struggle with every once and while when you face your deceitful truth. How lovely it is to know your truth. How meaningful it is to follow this lie, condemn the seekers eternal hell, arrows and torches is how it can end and begin, yet, I believe I’m real, else my blood in my vein wouldn’t be dropping on your wheels. I’m under your wheels, under your car as I calmly see my whole life flashing before my eyes
I’m sorry but this is the last real piece of me. Goodbye, I’m right back to where I started from, everywhere and nowhere deep down inside your truth.
Little Child
Little child there is no time to play for god asked for nothing but to pray
Little child it’s time we preach, to cleanse your soul, redeem your thoughts
Little child once you bleed you will know it’s time to leave
Little child, not so little any more. Have you forgotten which way the door?
What our prophet sought before?
Young lady, not so young any more, now a woman, and a woman of none but her thoughts
Ingrate woman, why such thoughts, have we built nothing to keep you from your brain?
Ingrate woman stop this instant for joy and life are masks of sins and regrets
Poor ignorant woman, joy doesn’t flow from your heart but from our books
Doomed woman why act so different, perhaps you think you deserve to be that privileged!
Doomed child go play if you want for god has cursed you thanks to our prayers.
PPD
Over the cliff she went and leapt, inside the river she lent her head and slept
Her body is heavy full of sins , her walls long shot behind regrets ,
her soul was damned beyond amends , she left a kingdom full of shame,
all her people screamed in pain , one by one she watched them all go down in flames ,
With her hands she killed the king, strangled the queen,poisoned the prince
She sought a change beyond her reach , a ruthless world took all her breath,
lost nine months to know the truth ,
a charming knight was a mere fairy tale , a lovely prince to kiss and adore was nothing more than an urban tale ,
the frog she met was just a frog , the years she slept were all in vain ,
The shoes that fit, fit everyone, the poisonous apple never touched her lips
and her eyes were her greatest fear always left her bound with tears
The tears she shed filled her well with nothing but echoing despair slowly smoothed her out of air
The witch she evaded night and day , all the time was in her head
Her frozen heart she hoped would melt or take her away blend her with the wind
To be one, was all she hoped, to find that she is not to blame,for all the hate she has always felt, always confused, always condemned.
She took an oath to never break before she could finally breathe,
everything she touched wilted in her way, in a blink of an eye it was all gone away,
alas! How she longed to be real, to find the meaning why she is here,
to find a love she could bear, to smile one day to know she is heard,
She made a pact to end it all, lest she find herself alone
Forsaken by a god she, always strove, his mercy and love, to one day hold,
And finally into the river she'd leapt, finally one,finally free.
Her body is heavy full of sins , her walls long shot behind regrets ,
her soul was damned beyond amends , she left a kingdom full of shame,
all her people screamed in pain , one by one she watched them all go down in flames ,
With her hands she killed the king, strangled the queen,poisoned the prince
She sought a change beyond her reach , a ruthless world took all her breath,
lost nine months to know the truth ,
a charming knight was a mere fairy tale , a lovely prince to kiss and adore was nothing more than an urban tale ,
the frog she met was just a frog , the years she slept were all in vain ,
The shoes that fit, fit everyone, the poisonous apple never touched her lips
and her eyes were her greatest fear always left her bound with tears
The tears she shed filled her well with nothing but echoing despair slowly smoothed her out of air
The witch she evaded night and day , all the time was in her head
Her frozen heart she hoped would melt or take her away blend her with the wind
To be one, was all she hoped, to find that she is not to blame,for all the hate she has always felt, always confused, always condemned.
She took an oath to never break before she could finally breathe,
everything she touched wilted in her way, in a blink of an eye it was all gone away,
alas! How she longed to be real, to find the meaning why she is here,
to find a love she could bear, to smile one day to know she is heard,
She made a pact to end it all, lest she find herself alone
Forsaken by a god she, always strove, his mercy and love, to one day hold,
And finally into the river she'd leapt, finally one,finally free.
Unnamed
If hate in every nature dwells then love conquers none,
If I was chosen to be born then I ought to choose when to be gone ,
If I was left in the dark will I know where to hide
, if promises can break then just how many can I take , before I lose all my senses ,
before I choose to go blind ,
if I were to be dragged into all the human fights, dressed as a soldier, scarred of the wind , and of my helmet I take no comfort in knowing that I was the one to be left In their light,
to be born and condemned to pay for their sorrow and add a part
, to their massive illusion of self delusion, to be a part of nowhere to be lost in time ,
put me down to the ground sweep the floor with my mind , I
control my own fate but only if I can tell myself a lie; to be born once again somewhere nice amidst the vain , like a drop from the sky , need no place to reside ,
all the actions and the thoughts all to me and no one else ,
if I can only tell myself a lie that I too was once a live ,
that I felt all this pain only to reap a greater gain ,
then I’d believe in a god but only if I were to go blind .
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